I took two days off…well kind of. In those two days everything I did in the 3 days and 2 nights I was there non stop was lost….UGH!! Kourts G/J fell out 3 in and the J is snaked through her small bowel. The ballon that holds it in got a hole in it and it deflated. This happens this is something I cant control. In those two days kourt started retching …Feeds? I really just did not think so, then she started shaking again and heartrate was high. OKAY? I started asking what changes had been made if any, Yes  fent is being weened but replaced with methadone, that she has done before so I knew that was not it. I start going through everything and say well, they started back up her celexa thats what caused it last time. Only to be told no they held it for the past two days because of her G/J tube …..UGH!!!…you can hold that med it causes withdraw. I made them give it right then and there. They kept asking kourt what was wrong was there pain? Nasuea? She kept saying “I just dont feel good” I hate feeling helpless. It makes me crazy there is a reason Kourt gets this way, she has so much going on that it is all consuming but I know her body and her meds. Until she is even more stable I just cant leave. Not even Mark can keep up, its strange my brain is just always working thinking figuring things out. I have had a headache for about a month and now I have a full blown sinus infection…again…I cant keep it away this time with nasel washes and OTC meds I need ABX. I have no insurance since Kourt max out our plan. So Minute clinic tomorrow there goes 100 I dont have for meds and visit…sigh… I have to be well, I have to keep going…..Spending the day and nights at the hospital with no break always sends me over the edge. Keeping on!!