Thank you everyone for your support and caring so much for kourt and the rest of my family. I can not even express how hard this month has been. Yes, we did this a year ago, it should be eaiser? After spending the entire year in the hospital already exhausted then going into a transplant its just exhaustion on top of exhaustion …..June 15 was the best day of my life and the worst. I remember jumpping up and down that they had found organs and then 12 hours later I was a sobbing mess and puking because I was told kourt was dying on the table in the OR. I will share that she was down for 5min and they put 30 units of blood into her basicly all her blood was gone they were pumping it in as fast as it was coming out. she had two? epi bouls to start her heart and keep her going. I was told they were doing everything medicaly pos and that she was very unstable and that they did not know if they could stop the bleeding. I was told they would call me in a hour with a update. At that moment, I thought not about myself but about the other kids Ty, Kacee, and Kamryn. I thought about how kourt must feel in the OR alone and complaining the table was uncomfortable . I should have given her more hugs and kisses when she went in. No ….She could not die!! I said, “I will see you when you wake up” I never said bye. The most comfort at that time was that her Uncle Roger and Nurse Sue were angles watching over her also the two friends we had with mark and I and the other TX moms who were there who have sat waiting just like me. Veronica ,Vicktor’s mom sent me a text that said” Kourt will be fine God is watching over her.” That at the moment gave me peace it was the first thing that someone had said to me that made things okay. I am spirtitual and I do beleive, just not in church even though I grew up in one. I chose to and teach my children to worship in their own way. They have the foundation its for all of us to find what is right for us. I do not remember some of the time she was in the OR and I do not remember some of the day right after the Transplant. I went into robot mode, just doing what needed to be done, making sure all the other kids were okay and making choices for kourt. Kourt is on Dialysis due to massive blood loss, she is on high doeses of fentnal,dalauidid, kedimine, she is on pressers dopimine narcipine she has 20 pumps . Yesterday after the “final” lets close her as much as we can surgery, she came out with a new hole. They had to place a chest tube because of a fluid filled lung . She was in so much pain and came out the OR into the PICU yelling “someone give me something” , “I need some pain meds” I really thought she would end up intubated again but she , dodged the intubation like a fighter…They have found a combo of meds today that will sedate her and keep the pain to a min. Mark left till tuesday he really needs to get things in order and try to scrape together what we need for the month and spend time with the other kids. Three /four years ago ? We could spend money and not worry how it was spent. Now we chose what bills to pay and not to pay. Its interesting, I dont feel sorry for us its more of a ?? Challenge..yeah thats the word and I am always up for that. In a way I am releived I dont have to worry about losing anything there is nothing left. The house is all we have and thats all we need and the kids . They are happy , I am happy! Last night Kacee who will be a cheerleader in HS next year called me to take about the cheers. We were laughing because I did some of the same cheers she is learning. It was a short long distance moment but a good one. I really am so glad that I gave the kids the choice of staying in SD or moving to LA. They are thriving in spite of all the changes and worries that this chapter in our lives has brought. While we have still a long road to home, the is now a path and we will do it together with style and grace and always to the fullest.